Quality Time Alone

One thing I've heard almost constantly since becoming single is that this is the perfect time to 'rediscover myself'. The phrase had me breaking out in a rash. Having been in a relationship for the best part of a decade, the idea of spending time alone was more than a little daunting. I didn't want to spend time alone. I wanted to be back with my boyfriend, curled up on the sofa, watching a film. With the weekend looming, I was desperate for something to do and someone to do it with, but my friends were all busy or coupled up and spending the crappy, financially lean month of January indoors. What to do?

I've been toying with the idea of spending a weekend alone somewhere in Europe, but if I couldn't face the idea of a weekend alone in my home city, I'd have no hope. So, after visiting the Time Out website, I decided to go somewhere by myself. Yup, alone. No boyfriend, no friend, no work colleagues. In passing, I mentioned it to a friend and then realised I couldn't back out. After looking for things to do, I moved onto looking into my fantasised weekend break. I could do this, right? I could go and spend a weekend in a foreign country, maybe stay in a hostel and meet other lone travellers and have a whale of a time. I just had to get through this one outing first and decided to visit the National Portrait Gallery.

I've never been anywhere alone. I'm not talking about the supermarket and things like that, but museums, galleries, the cinema - I'd always done it with family, friends or my now ex-boyfriend. When I woke up this morning, I chickened out. I couldn't face the idea of wandering around a gallery by myself - everyone would be looking at me thinking, what a nutcase, what a loner. But then, what were my alternatives? Sitting in front of my TV watching movies and sleeping, that's what. So, I got showered, got dressed and went out. As it was, I had a lovely day. Sure, I felt odd walking around by myself at first. I'm not an art buff but I can appreciate good art when I see it. I did find it strange not having anyone to talk to. A particular painting of the royal family transfixed me. The level of detail was amazing but I had nobody to share it with. I could have stopped a random person, but - baby steps - I'm not quite there yet. I was worried I'd get sucked into a conversation about brush strokes and such, and come across as, well, a bit dense. In the end, I appreciated the painting, and moved on. For your viewing pleasure, here it is: Conversation piece at the Royal Lodge Windsor by Sir James Gunn.

After two hours of taking in as much portraiture as humanly possible, I ventured into Leicester Square and stood outside Wagamama, wondering if I should go in. I mean, I'd be eating BY MYSELF! Everyone would look at me and think I was sad. But then I thought, actually, I'm hungry, and more than anything, I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it. So in I went and when a waiter approached me and asked how many there were in my party, I smiled and said 'just me'. And you know what? There were around 4 or 5 other lone eaters in there, mainly men, and nobody batted an eyelid. I ate my lunch and read some of my book and I felt content. So content that I walked through Trafalgar Square to the bus stop with a smile on my face.

It might be a small victory to some. Some people love spending time alone, have no problems with it. I'm coming round to the idea. It's a goal for me to go abroad by myself in 2012 and I feel like I've taken a giant leap in being self sufficient. Now, I can't wait to go somewhere else. All the museums I've wanted to visit but never did because my ex or friends wouldn't like it, have suddenly opened themselves up to me. London is a truly beautiful city, and I'm not going to miss out on its wonders just because I'm single.

x

p.s. - in case anyone wants them, here are the links to the TimeOut and National Portrait Gallery sites. The NPG is free too, even better!

http://www.npg.org.uk/home.php
http://www.timeout.com/london/

We're just good friends...

Can men and women ever be 'Just Friends'? As I said yesterday, I've pretty much decided to do something about a crush on a male friend of mine, but it's really got me thinking because I always thought the answer to my question was 'yes'. End of.

But then again, the idea of getting together with a friend, better still, a close one, is everywhere. Movies, sitcoms - look at Monica and Chandler, Ross and Rachel, Miranda and Steve. In a fairytale world, a best friend is the ideal match. You obviously like each other, you know everything about each other. There's no way you can be 'just friends' if all that's to be believed because the sexual tension will be crackling under the veneer of straight up friendship and after a string of dating disasters, you'll realise the love of your life has been there all along. Your best friend. Awww.

My friend and I have known each other for, ooh, about 5 years now. We laugh, we joke, we drink, we smoke. I never even thought he was that attractive at first. I remember a girlfriend said 'he's kind of hot' and my response was to look in his direction with a raised eyebrow and say, 'really?'. I couldn't see it, and because I didn't think he was hot, I thought there was no way I could ever want him in a downright filthy sense.

And yet...

5 years on, and now for some reason, I cannot get the man out of my head. Over time, we got to know each other, although we're not 'best pals'. He makes me laugh, he has a mind as dirty as mine and somehow always brightens my day when we do speak or meet which isn't as often as I would like. I don't know when it happened, but all of a sudden I began to think 'wow, he's kinda special.' And it's not one-sided. I know he likes me, or at least he used to. We've had the conversation, we've fooled around. The question is whether, if I say, 'hey. I want to do unspeakable things to you' he'll be on it or whether he'll say, 'sorry love, I've moved onto the next one.'

I honestly believe that men and women can be 'Just Friends'. Even 'Just Good Friends'. BUT, I don't think it's as simple as there being zero attraction. The fact you're in a friendship means you like them and inevitably, somewhere along the line, the thought will cross one or both minds. The difference between being just friends and being something more is timing.

As long as you can accept that at some stage, one or both of you will get the urge to step beyond the line, you can be just friends. The interesting part is if you both happen to get the urge at the same time. As for the question of losing a friend if it all goes wrong, that's another topic for another day. Personally, I'm hoping the urges will be nicely matched for me and my friend. Fingers are crossed.