The Value of Friendship

Something that's infuriated me since I became single again was realising how out of touch I'd become with some friends. My social life revolved around my ex - we'd spend weekends with his friends and their girlfriends, and my own friends were scattered all over the place which made meeting up difficult at times. I had always thought how much I wished having a tight group of friends a la Carrie, Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte in my favourite TV show, Sex and the City, but my friends don't even know each other and I'd always felt lacking. At least with my ex, I had a group of friends I saw regularly. But, as is inevitable with break-ups, mutual friends fall away. They either take sides or, in my case, keep their original alliances. My friends were his friends first and no matter how well we got on, chances are I'll see few of them again.

What the heck had happened to mine?

I already always felt at a disadvantage. I moved to London from the north straight after school leaving my group of friends behind and as time moved on, I only really kept in touch with one - my real best friend and we still are. But every girl needs that core group of friends right? I hated the fact that I didn't. If I wanted to see them, I'd have to see them individually and while that's great for a heart to heart, it doesn't work the same for a night out. Does anyone really have the SATC style friendship? I always thought they did, that I was the weird one for not having this network, but the more I've been speaking to people, the more I'm unconvinced.

People fall out of touch for many reasons, make new friends at work, through their boyfriends/girlfriends, the list goes on and on. But with the exception of one of my friends, none of them have this media portrayed group of girls who meet up once a week for lunch and hit trendy bars on a Friday night. I began to feel better about it and my spur of the moment drinks last night only reinforced this.

An old work colleague from my very first job called me out of the blue to go for drinks. I hadn't seen her for around 2 years, but we kept in touch via Facebook. For me, a true friend is someone who you don't have to see all the time, but who you can pick up where the old conversation left off with ease, and that's exactly what happened. There was a whole heap to catch up on. My break up, her wedding and new babies, but essentially, nothing had changed between us and when she told me she felt the same inadequacies about friendship that I did, I could have cried.

My friend is beautiful. Really, she is, and I don't do bias. For a 28 year old mum of 2, she looked stunning. She's probably one of the easiest people to talk to, but yet she felt as though she was lacking for not having a group of close knit girlfriends. I'd thought being a mum gave you an 'in'. You hear all the time of new mums making new friends at nurseries and all that stuff, but she said she could never be sure if they liked her for her, or to ensure they had play-dates for their kids. She couldn't open up to them.

It was like hearing myself speak and I began to think that the images we're constantly bombarded with about friendship don't always reflect the reality. I'm really lucky. I kept in touch with friends on Facebook, but almost never went out. Now I'm single, I'm making more of an effort, suggesting meeting up with a few and as a result, old friendships are having the attention paid to them that they deserved all along.

Everyone tells you that friendships are the most important relationships you'll ever make. Your family are your  family - you have no choice about those. but you choose your friends and good ones will stick by you through thick and thin. I don't do new years resolutions, but I have promised myself that I wont make the same mistake again. Each of my friends are going to have a stupid amount of attention paid to them because whether they know it or not, their kind words have helped me enormously over the last 6 months. It's the least I can do.

I don't have that tight group of girlfriends, but so what? Not everyone does and I know I'm blessed to have each and every one of my mates. So, to all my friends, virtual and real, an enormous hug and kiss. I adore each and every one of you.